dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
