Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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