you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
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We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Still dying that you shit outside
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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