"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
