Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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