I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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