I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I touched a dick in church today
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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