i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
