so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
