i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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