You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
