so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
