The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
