I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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