Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Drunk walkin through police station. America
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize