I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
