Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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