Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
