hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
