I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
