There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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