Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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