i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
