You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize