The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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