Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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