Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
