If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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