chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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