No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
