The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
