Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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