You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
