i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
