So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
