Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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