if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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