dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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