the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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