More tranny stories later!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
