I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
