So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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