He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
