even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
