Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
