its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
PANTIES FOUND
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
