I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
