Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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