Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
