We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
