i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So vagazzling was a success
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
