I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
