Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
