So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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