i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sorry my hands just texted you
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
