yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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