If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
