as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
