Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
