I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
