dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
