i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
