so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
