I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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