from now on my penis is your penis
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
