who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
