I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
