Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is Oprah even human
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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