my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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