I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
