dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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