I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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